so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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