Grow some girl-balls and come out already
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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