My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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