i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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