Do you still have your period?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
