i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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