What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
