I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
