Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
