I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
