We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
