I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
