You're so nebulous sometimes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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