the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
