im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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