So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Panties = found
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