shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
