So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
