He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
