I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My liver just had a heart attack.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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