We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
