There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
