Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
