Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
