I showed him my bush... on skype.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
