all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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