I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
