in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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