And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
