Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
