you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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