Just cropdusted the office
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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