She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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