I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
