the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
