Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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