Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
