my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
