I'm gonna have a badass scar
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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