DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
