I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
