i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
