Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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