Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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