She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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