Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I look better un-naked...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
