The maid of honor just puked.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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