dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
