i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
