You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
