this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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