So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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