Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
