my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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