Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
